hello world. are you there?

i feel myself being pulled in all directions.
there is a black hole in my core, and it is threatening to both simultaneously suck me in and pull me apart.





i wonder if i am doing the right thing.
i am no stranger to self-doubt, but this recent onslaught seems to me a particularly bad case. perhaps it is just the timing?

i feel my relationship exploding apart, and i am nothing but talk.
i both want it to end and think i will die of heartbreak if it does. boyfriend neither sees nor understands how deeply i care for him, or how deeply he hurts me.
i want so badly for things to work, but when do you decide that enough is enough?

i feel like it's dying.

i am trying my hardest to not be over-dramatic.
i feel like my heart is crushing itself. (so much for not being over-dramatic.)




i am on an island in the center of it all, and everything is drifting away. i stand, helpless, and i am extremely vulnerable. i must say that i feel like i have lost all of my self-esteem.
i want someone to be there, to be available, to be waiting and understanding.
but i cannot bring myself to ask you for that. i have too much pride.
so i will stay here on my island, and i will wait.