and i'm thinking........!!

i want to be honest and blunt.




i don't want to have to worry about how what i write will affect people who probably won't read it anyway.

i want to be honest and just write write write write write.





huuuuuuu. i unleash air in a sigh, and i feel like that's all i am doing these days.
i feel like i am expanding constantly while everything is shrinking in on me.

make it stooopp.

i am in that place where my weight is evil.
i don't want to be this person! i am plagued by negativity. ry and i compete over who has less non-fat yogurt in their cup.

i really have sunk so low.





i want to be more and i want to be less.
my future is both too far away and far too close for comfort.
i am aging. i hate thinking about it.


and curse you peace corp for only wanting people who have at least a bachelor's degree. can you just please ship me off to africa? i promise i will work very hard. <3








as much as i know changing my degree was the right thing to do for the long term, i am having doubts. i could be almost done with college, but now i have to start from scratch. i wonder if i didn't just convince myself this is the right thing. i am deathly afraid of growing up and entering the adult world. i feel like every time i get closer to graduating, i freak out and purposely sabotage my own plans.


can i please just be five again? i want to dig in the dirt for worms and cool looking rocks. ooooh and that red clay/mud stuff that is also sometimes yellow and you find in moist dirt when you are extra lucky. <3





when asked what my magical power of choice is, i don't even have to think. i would like to be able to control time, please and thank you.